I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
