Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize