So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
