Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
