I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Randomize
