They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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