you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
