my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He keeps bees of course he's weird
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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