so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
