Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
