mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
