What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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