He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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