when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
