so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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