i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
