Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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