I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Ketchup is God's man juice
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
