Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
