Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
this hospital has no fireball
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
