I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize