How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
