please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
