Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Randomize
