So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize