i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
The feeling are messing with the penis
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
