i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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