Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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