Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
