Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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