you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
