Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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