Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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