I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
