Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
