This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
