We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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