My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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