Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Still dying that you shit outside
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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