omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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