You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize