So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize