Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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