i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize