Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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