...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
