The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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