dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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