So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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