you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
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