I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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