i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
