At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
