You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
