Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
