hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
