I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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