I skipped work to stalk him.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
My bed smells like the plague
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
