My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
