the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Randomize
