i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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