If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
soo... how was my night?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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