Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
