VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
It's official drugs can't kill me
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
