Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
