Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
