I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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