He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
