I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
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