If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize