Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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