he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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