I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize