College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
