I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
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