I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
