wake up i wanna do it froggy style
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
