I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
