just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
