oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
