I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
