girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
