My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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