It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
zippers are such a cool invention
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
pop tarts are not kleenex
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
