Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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