I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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