So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
