You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
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