That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
