I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize