Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
