ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
