Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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