hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
