He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
