FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
