is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
