guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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