I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
