I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
