I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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