he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
