new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
