He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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