Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize