Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
