We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
