Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
